"You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens"

Eating

Passing the time without consumption.

The restaurants. The grocery stores. The coffee shops. The wine nights. The girls night out. The coffee gatherings. The dinner dates. After work beers. Happy hour. Wednesday night dinner. Cocktail parties. House parties. Dinner parties.

Filling us up.

Passing the time. 

With what? 

Eric

Love in action

I'm living a very solitary life, surrounded by people who love me.

And it's amazing. How actions express more than words.

And even among my friends here who can speak, across a language barrier,

Love still prevails as action.

Waking up, to have my coffee, out in the morning sun. It's six forty five. 

I prop my feet up against the railing and I try and gather myself. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Eric has pulled a chair up to sit beside me in silence. 

I reach out to hold his hand. 

Just, sometimes.

In Haiti, I'm learning the merit of just.

Of just being.

Of just waiting.

Of just seeing.

Sometimes, when the sun dips behind the trees, and the air quiets.

Sometimes, when the voices are a calm swarm, and the crickets a soothing lull.

Sometimes, when the clouds are still bright with the departing rays, an ebullient and heaven-filled white,

I close my eyes, and feel the air on my face.

I stand and I brace myself on the balcony railing. 

I take it all in.

I give everything,

And I give nothing.

I just try to be.

And sometimes,

Well, sometimes, it's alright. 

Dear Maw Maw

Well Maw-maw, 

You've been gone a whole year. And while much has changed, a whole lot has stayed the same. Your three boys got together in March, and as you can imagine, they romped around the river like teenagers. Throwing rocks and sticks. Hiding from each other and swinging on vines. Tripping eachother and imitating the way the dog walks. Threatening to push each other in the river and actually falling in. Their three beautiful wives did what they are wont to do. They cooked wonderful meals and shared endless cups of coffee together. They laughed and they prayed, and while I'm never privy to all their conversations, I imagine they talked about their children. Their accomplishments and concerns. 

A lot of landmarks. 

Landree and Jude aren't babies anymore and Blake isn't a boy. Jared can't stop getting promoted and Jillian is winning awards in her school band. Brie's baseball team is practicing on a field owned by the Nationals, and Rachel switched careers all together. 

You might ask how I know all of that, being in Haiti.

And I'll tell you. 

It's because of you. 

That we talk all the time.

That we love each other so.

That we are, as you would say, one big happy family. 

As my mother would say, 

The very best best of friends. 

Thank you for that Mawmaw. 

Thank you for everything. 

As much as I miss you, 

I love you even more. 

Easter

In my twenty-seventh year on this earth, this is the first Easter I've been away from home.

And I'll tell you what.

It makes me think. It gives me one more chance to say,

Lord, thank you for all that I am. And all that I have. 

And all that you've done.