' sede' - to give up. 'leve' - to get up. 'ale' - to go.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

The fifth first time

Well,

It isn't any easier.

I'm not braver or stronger.

The cold water is in fact colder than I remember,

And the sixty one degree air clings to my skin and lays thick and damp on my sheets.

I'm afraid.

Of what, i'm not sure.

The eternal fretter, as my mother would say.

To know it's good to be here,

But to not know the why or the how

The future.

Anything.

God, a simple prayer tonight, because I've got nothing left.

Save me from myself, and my fears. Let me delight in your will, and walk in your way. 

I am trying, I am trying, and I just don't know.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm doing laundry. It is the greatest need. 

And I think to myself, Lord, surely, I don't need to be in Haiti to wash clothes.

And I think, I don't want to wash clothes. 

And I think, I am afraid. 

Of what? 


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