' sede' - to give up. 'leve' - to get up. 'ale' - to go.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

We are marching

Weaving through the market. The rich streets. The heavy air and the scents that burn your nostrils. Everyone is here.

In one turn of a corner, a woman is roasting corn over smoldering charcoals. Beside her a woman sits on an old rusted axle and tugs at a teenager's hair. It's second nature. They engage in a chatty and mildly devilish conversation. Their eyes darting surreptitiously to the left where some men play dominoes and rest their elbows against brick walls, unwavering in their eye contact. The corners of their mouths turn up unnoticeably and their eyes twinkle. 

In a shop to the right there's a barber, and outside his shop stray dogs weave and stumble between legs and machinery. Men are fixing tires. They clang heavy metal batons at the metal centers. Their shoulder blades swell and seize with muscles and sweat pours into their eyes and across their cheekbones. 

Tap taps swerve, and everyone has their own beat, their own rhythm. The street is alive. 

A little further down a man sells newspapers, and beside him are the queen bees. Women in their late sixties, or maybe just their mid forties, because life has been so hard. They sell fruit. They call out to you as you pass. Grabbing the cuff of a pant leg or swatting the behind of a loitering teenager, running and stumbling in between umbrellas, getting in their way, and asking for their attention. The swat is maternal. They are maternal. Everybody is their baby. Everybody is their child. They're squawking and chirping away at eachother and I step inbetween ashy and wrinkled legs. Spread wide, skirts on the pavement, bowls of snapped peas and cabbages in their hands. 

'Bonswa Madame yo'

They break in their debate and chatter for a split second. White hair and squinty eyes. Delicious wrinkled cheeks and toothless smiles.

They make bold eye contact and crack huge grins. Oh, bonswa Cherie. How are you. Not too bad, right? Having a good day? Okay darling, okay, off you go, you're walking, okay, tomorrow if God wills it. 

Real love. True doting. They give themselves freely and genuinely, and just like that, I walk on, and they resume their daily grind. Ever pleasant. Ever comical. Feisty grandmothers and no nonsense saleswomen. 

Wheelbarrows are strewn in a line bearing freshly cut meat, once cool and plump, it  now lays sweating and demoralized, dripping over the sides. Men haggle and large pieces are hacked and carved with grimy machetes. 

A boy walks to the beat of the music playing from his pocketed cell phone. Individually wrapped plastic bags of salt are on his head in a bowl. He doesn't stumble. He doesn't break his stride. His steps are confident and seamless. 

Shoe shiners line up amidst the mechanics and the produce. The ground thick with oil and trash. Streams of soapy water from the man washing a motorcycle just a few feet away. 

And the lotteries. Watching the numbers. Placing their bets. Brightly painted walls and chance. They step out of the barber shop, they crack open sweaty beers with their teeth. They pinch the cheek of a braided-head school girl walking by, or the swaying bottom of a girlfriend demanding to know when they'll be home. 

And it's hot. The sun is ruthless. And it's everywhere. Solace is seldom. I squint as I turn into the sun. The shiny metal parts of the motorcycles. The reflective mirrors on taptaps and chains strung around necks. Everything turns the sun back to me. 

My skin reflects it back to them. 

A single white girl. Hustled through the market. Caught up in a rhythm that isn't of my own device. Walking to a beat I didn't make. 

Hearing the music that I've never heard.

And trying to stay in sync. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Conversation with a forty-two year old Autistic Haitian.

Hey you, ra. 

Oh, hello Izabel.

What are you doing?

Oh me? I'm here.

But what are you thinking about?

- I don't know. 

What do you mean you don't know, silly, if you're thinking.

But you see, friend.

These thoughts you're talking about are from my head,

And now, my heart is thinking.

You don't know what your heart is thinking?

My head knows the thoughts from the ground. 

But I'm speaking of my heart right now, 

And only God knows what we're talking about. 

Monday, May 26, 2014

Of growing pains

I want to know. Is growth a continuous, and subconscious event? 

Or do we have to strive. 

Discipline, and intention. 

Hardship and joy. 

I want to know,

Am I turning into the person God created me to be.

Have I been her all along?

Or am I coasting on blessings and grace. 

Friday, May 23, 2014

I wonder if they can talk in their dreams. I wonder if their legs work. 

I wonder if they live here. If the children who they pass their lives beside, in beds made of plastic and foam.

I wonder if they see their faces, 

And I wonder what they think. 

I wonder if they know that the Kingdom of heaven is theirs, 

And we won't need legs to stand. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Little tiger

Titig was found, beat to a pulp, and laying in a gutter. Blood-stained and battered.

He was discovered by a French nun, and brought to Michael.

A nameless child slave, wearing t-shirt with a small tiger on it.

Now, 16 years old. Beautiful, healthy, and thriving at St. Joseph's home for boys.

It begs the question,

What have I overcome.

And why am I still complaining? 

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

To begin, to understand

How small we are.

And that in this littleness 

Lies strength.

And our identities. That we can try.

That we can start over every day.

God, I give myself up to you.

All that I am. 

And that is all that I have.

Which is enough. 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

To my mother

You've never thought that you're very funny. But you make me laugh all the time.

And you don't consider yourself to be a very good friend. But you're my best friend.

You used to tell me, Elizabeth, your word is all you have. 

And I've always been too loose with my words. So I look up to you, as who I am capable of being. 

You're honest. And good. 

In fact, you're a remarkable person. And you inspire me. 

I'm so proud of who you are, and prouder still to be yours. Made and nurtured by you. 

I know you wanted to learn from your mother, and raise us differently in some respects, and I can tell you now, because I know I don't tell you enough. 

That I've never known you to be anything,

but mine.

My confidant and my ally. 

Kind and thoughtful. Considerate. Humble. Intentional. Talented. Faithful. Smart. Diligent. Funny. Loyal. Honest. and above all, full. 

Full of love. 

Happy Mother's Day, to my selfless and dear Momma.
 
Thank you for being you. 

We really are the very very best of friends. 


Friday, May 9, 2014

"You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens"

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Eating

Passing the time without consumption.

The restaurants. The grocery stores. The coffee shops. The wine nights. The girls night out. The coffee gatherings. The dinner dates. After work beers. Happy hour. Wednesday night dinner. Cocktail parties. House parties. Dinner parties.

Filling us up.

Passing the time. 

With what? 

Eric


Love in action

I'm living a very solitary life, surrounded by people who love me.

And it's amazing. How actions express more than words.

And even among my friends here who can speak, across a language barrier,

Love still prevails as action.

Waking up, to have my coffee, out in the morning sun. It's six forty five. 

I prop my feet up against the railing and I try and gather myself. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Eric has pulled a chair up to sit beside me in silence. 

I reach out to hold his hand.