Breathe easy

There is a freedom in simplicity. Here in Haiti, many of my natural impulses for attaining happiness are quelled.

Not because I have overcome my desire

But simply because it is not an option here.

I cannot make the choices that I lean on at home.

And I'm finding myself different.

My head is clear
And my body feels strong

The day here is so structured and concrete. It's meditative.

The best analogy I can make is when you are full but not satisfied.

It's a thin distinction,

But if you think about food as fuel and nothing more, it's transformative.

nothing more than what you need it to be.

Last night there were no guests at st. Joseph's so it followed that there was no meal.

Rummaging around in the house, I gathered a tangerine, a tomato, and a carrot stick.

Not a dinner of champions, but nevertheless, complete.

And satisfying in a different way from the satisfaction in consuming a lavish or savory dinner.

Satisfaction in simplicity. It's new and painful for me.

But as I struggle, I can feel myself growing stronger.

In the same sense that I am constantly purging my mind of thoughts of winter shopping.

I don't need to buy new clothes here, have no use for them, am happy without them.

And yet, I still feel compulsory magnetism.

The question weighs on my mind.

Why do we want things that we are happy without.

What is there beyond happiness?