I feel it all

Today I took the perilous drive up the mountain, back to wings of hope after having spent the weekend at St. Joseph's with the boys in Port-au-prince.

The weekend felt like a vacation, a glorious time with the boys. Coffee on the roof and an entire Saturday to play and read, steal some sunshine and drink a sweating bottle of prestige in the late afternoon. Watch the sun disappear behind the mountains , swallowed up by the sea. In the night I took a mototaxi with a couple friends and we went to listen to music and dance. I danced until sweat sidled my hair to my cheeks. I danced while my calves burnt and my eyes stung, my mouth salty and my throat dry.

I danced for survival. For the unhinging and unchangeable power of the Lord.
Because I am alive, and because I feel it.

Sunday morning held an early start. Hours of quiet time and coffee. Silent prayers, whispered into the wind, carried on the shoulders of doubt, a quiet commitment. A peace which passes all understanding.

Heading up the mountain today, all too much the weary traveler. Headphones serenading and the wind whipping my cheeks- all to aware of the prestige rolling around in my stomach, and the winding roads- I was tired. I am tired.
But when we pulled into the entrance, I looked up onto the balcony-

There.

There it was.

Expectant faces.

This is why I am here.

This is my home.

There they were, silent, patient, waiting for me. Expecting me, wondering where I had been, welcoming me home.

Glad to see me. And I them.

'Oh, LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. i praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.'

Amen.